Growing in the Dark

Often times, the moment something new begins, is born, we don’t see it. the beginning of things, their conception, is often private, or like a seed, in the dark.

about ten years ago, i started getting a call from Spirit to begin a process of gathering. using the medicine of the squirrel, i was to go and collect medicines-ways, teachings, seeds, ideas, perceptions, practices, relationships. to gather and store all these medicines has been, in some cases, like getting a pantry prepped with summer stock for the autumn. peeling, boiling, chopping, mincing, mixing, fermenting and preparing ‘food’ to last. it’s not a process in which anyone else has been involved in the sense of being around to witness as revelations, integrations, assimilations take place inside my spirit, my heart, my mind. in fact, it has been experiences that don’t translate into language and in that regard, and others, it has been invisible work.

but like seeds, and eggs that have been fertilized, growth has been occurring. under the ground. in the belly, swelling parts of me to distortion, using core creative energy to push through the husk of seed shells, the cervix of entry. and in this last year, the sprouts have started to raise brave heads above ground level, the baby has arrived, and it is time for new life.

writing and sharing ideas through language is something i have always loved, perhaps even needed, to survive the amount of energy and emotions we navigate these days. but i have found consistent practice of it unattainable through my lack of being able to commit to it. i have known that my future will come through the sharing of language and ideas, but i have been hesitant, overwhelmed by the concept of any more commitments in what feels like a life with an overfull plate already. perhaps, truthfully, a little unaccepting of destiny.

however, when seeds grow into plants, they change the landscape of your garden. when little souls come into form as little humans, they guide and cultivate and shift us into aspects of our own growth we might have thought impossible. such has canyon’s gifts been to me. i want to be more- but no longer more of something i might feel like i’m not-working towards goals of culture, materialism, western narratives, comparison, the accomplishment of others. now, i just and only want to be more of who i am. the ithat i am that made some choices before arriving about what i was here to do. i have listened to the call, begun the journey, made it through the struggle and embraced the death so i can come about to this-the return.

and so, in this time of new beginnings, of cultivating my garden, i am committing here to you all, to begin to share my musing, meanderings, wanderings and thoughts in words on a relatively regular basis. you will find these perusingson my website in my blog (www.spiritwalkretreats.com) or they will be posted on my facebook page- spiritwalk retreats. and so my loves, may the seeds grow trees that grow fruit and more seeds, and in wherever you might be in your own process of unfolding, i wish you joy, a strong and full and clear and open heart, and an able sense of humour.

let the play and games begin!

aho

~ Nikki